Revealing and yet familiar...

I read this blog today given to me by my dear friend Eden. It makes sense what many of these stories say. Seeing how some kids have fears of things they have never encountered before like the little girl who was deathly afraid of fire and then was told by her mom the sickening act that was done to her mom and her, that she was torn away from her mom and then tossed in the fire. And how some kids just scream and cry when their mom leaves and is sincerely terrified that they won't see their mom again but they don't have a reason to because they come from loving parents all because they had been previously been in a mothers womb and then rejected by being aborted by that mom. I wonder how many of us were in utero from a different mother or different time before we were actually born and were aborted by our mothers previous or by another mother previous to our mortal experience here. Makes me once again remember that when I see a kid with crazy fears or just can't stand to be away from their mom that I have no place to judge because I have no idea what has happen to that kid. I love this blog! http://theyremember.org/category/abortion/   It clears up a lot of wondering I have done on the subject of abortion and what happens to those sweet spirits that got cut short their mortal experience. It makes me happy to know that they are just waiting for someone to want to have them. They still get to have a chance to live as they ought to. Sad that they have to carry their previous experience of abortion and rejection but luckly there is a blog like this that may help someone who was aborted clear these things up so they can heal and live a happy life!!!! I hope this gets around the whole world and that everyone in the world reads this!!!!! I think if women knew that these are real kids (and feel everything that happens to their bodies) and not a choice that they would probably not abort these precious children...

http://theyremember.org/category/abortion/

A new start!!!!

I am excited because I have for months now been trying to heal from all my mental and emotional stuff that I have had inside me for years and years out so that I can heal... I took an energy class back in September and it has helped me so much!!!! I still am not where I want to be but I'm finding that I am becoming more at peace with my mind and in general! I'm becoming the mother I wanted to be and the wife I wanted to be and even the person I want and use to be!!! I truely believe and know that if you hold in negative feelings or false or limited beliefs in then it causes diseases. I have known and studied this for years now and have seen in myself to understand that is the truth. I know that its okay to be angry to an extent and I also know that is okay to be frustrated too. This life is what my martial arts training taught me and my religion in the B of M teaches too the yin and yang law. If we didn't feel and experience anger, sadness, hurt then we wouldn't truely know what happiness, joy and safety felt like.
I know my actions haven't been the greatest in the last few years but I didn't know how to get all this built up gunck that was inside me from years and years out. I was holding it in because I didn't want to be a drag to be around. I wanted to always be positive, happy and good (I still want that too). Life brings all sorts of things and you can think about the experiences the way you choose to think but realty people will die and they will be missed and I will get sad. Its about how long and how I choose to think and deal with things like this. I hope I can be better and better everyday on choosing how I really want to think and deal with life as it comes at me! I'm excited to continue in my journey of this life and hope I won't judge and others won't judge me. I hope I can let go of the past and things others have done or not done and I hope others will do the same to me. Forgive others and hopefully they in turn will forgive me!!! I'm positive I and they will!!!!
And, I'm excited because though I feel  I have a new start as far as my thinking goes I'm also excited because we are going to have a new start somewhere else too!!!! I don't know for sure where we will be moving but we will be moving soon! Whether it be out of state or more rural I'm excited because I really want a new start in the place I live so that I can get a new chance with new people that don't know me and really feel like I have a new start! No one to judge me from past wrongs, no making more and more assumptions about me. It will be great to just feel like I can truely be ME again without any memories of me from previous!!!!!! I sooooo need this and I thank my Heavenly Father for this perfect gift to me!!!! Thank you!!!! I Love you!!!!!!

Damned if you do, damned if you don't...

Well, I'm going to go ahead and vent on here. As a mom I feel this often... I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I feel like people I know and people around me can judge me as a mom so fast and too harsh. I feel like people see me and when I'm disciplining my kids I'm either too hard or too soft and if I don't discipline at all then I'm a bad mom too because then I'm teaching my kids to be spoiled bratts. Somedays I just want to hide (and I usually do) in my house so I don't have to feel or see peoples disapproval of me as a mom. I feel a lot of times that I can't win with people and family hence my title I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Being a mom has taught me in such a deep way to not judge others. I don't think I would have learned this in such a deep way if I hadn't been a mom. So I'm grateful but still it hurts. I have been lectured by family that your kids are a reflection of you so if they act poorly then its reflecting you. Well, I agree to a point but come on its a toddler and they are going to have bad behavior period. Also, if we bring God in it... God is perfect and loves his kids unconditionally and still a third of his kids went totally against what he is and does and are the most hateful spirits around so because a third of his kids have the worst behavior, is that a reflection of God? NO!!!!! Of course not!!!! So why do people feel they can judge me at all. There... I said it and vented and feel better! So if anyone reads this just know I needed to get this out and now I need to release and let it go! I love my kids and I soooo love my husband. I'm not perfect but I'm striving to be better and I am on a learning journey just as much as anyone else is out there. I hope that I can be more and more compassionate towards others and see the good in others over the negative and reflect the good of others back to them so they can shine and know their goodness!Shine on! Shine on!!!!

Having a home birth...

 

Me, Sherri (my midwife) and Ella just minutes from me pushing. The kids left with my mom and I started to push!!! It was amazing because once Sherri and her crew got to my house and finished setting up I was already at 9 centimeters!!! I was shocked! I had never gone so fast in labor and couldn't believe how much less painful my contractions were compared to the petosin contractions with my other births. I thought I should be in pain by 9 centimeters but honestly I wasn't. I could have slept through most of the contractions thats how much easier it was!!! Thats why I was in so much shock that I was that far along. The whole things took from start to finish about 3 hours and 11 mins! Payden was born October 28th 2012 at 8:11am! 11 Lbs and 6 Oz!!!! Biggest baby Sherri has delivered!!!

 

Now pushing, to be honest, was painful! Lol! But good ole Sherri said its because he was 11 lbs 6 oz!

 

 

Here is my sweet baby boy!!!! Isn't he so sweet and cute!!!!

 

 

Tate was so excited and just wanted to be right next or holding Payden!!! He loves his little brother!!!! As you can see he likes to give him lots of love!!! Lol!!!!

 

 

 

Here is Ella being the sweet mother she is!!! She would always talk to Payden in the womb so I think that he has known Ella's voice since day one!!! She loves to hold him and kiss him and say hi to him everyday!!!! Love them!!!!

 

 

Here we all are in our bed so I can rest up and the family all got in the bed to be with sweet Payden!!!

 

I have loved all three of my births and I wouldn't trade any of my birthing experiences for another!!!! I love my growing family and have learned and am learning still that by being a mom that I should never judge another parent because people seem to judge you so quickly as a mom and its hurts at times. So no matter what you see you have no idea whats going on and you have no idea what kind of mother a person truely is. I believe every mom out there truely loves her kids and thats what we need to look for and see is the love she has for her kids!!! I might get more impatient with my kids than others but I'm learning and growing and it doesn't mean I don't love my kids and I so wish others would remember that. I have 3 kids from ages 3 to a newborn. Its not the easiest task but I certainly do my best and certainly love my kids with all my heart!!!!

 

 

 

 

Grandma Sorensen with Ella in a cool tunnell in the Canyonlands!

Josh and Ella in another cool tunnell!

Josh, Ella, me Howard and Lisa Sorensen in Canyonlands!

A super cute picture of Ella and Lydia having fun on the trip!!! Ella had a wonderful time. She only had 1 breakdown the whole trip and thats because she was tired of having her head bounce all day from all the jeeping we did. She LOVED camping and being with all the Sorensen family especially all the kids!!!

Finally after almost a year without posting anything!!!
Our sweet baby Ella the day she was born sleeping with mommy!!! I absolutely LOVE being a mom!!! Its the greatest thing besides marriage!!!!

Ella striking a pose in her beautiful blessing dress!!!

Just a very cute picture of Ella!!! What a sweetheart!!!

They grow up so fast!!! Can you believe that she will be 7 months soon!!! Ahhhh!!!! She has 4 teeth and one on the way!

Family picture at the pool! We love going swimming and Ella loves to swim!!! Maybe she will be a little swimmer and waterpolo player like her mommy????

Our Cancun Trip!!!

Josh & I in the Cenote. It was so pretty. Its a sink hole and the things in the back ground that look like water are mostly roots. It was awesome!!!

Ella at the ruins in Chitzachen Itza.

Josh & I at the ruins in Chitzachen Itza. We went to 3 ruins while we were in Cancun! It was amazing!!!

Josh & I hanging in the shade by the pool at the sweet resort we stayed at! They has a billion pools there & they were so cool!!!


The beach by the ruins in Tulum! It was gorgeous there!!!